My cousin, Jeff, and his wife, Nicole, have two of the most amazing kids I've ever met. Polite, articulate, kind, and intelligent, those kids are part of the reason I wanted to have my own.

In November on our way home from Lake Tahoe, we stopped in Santa Cruz to visit Jeff and his family. Their custom designed and built home is nestled on a mountain between gargantuan redwoods. Their windows are uncovered, leaving a view of the forest around them.

Take a look:

See how they don't even need anything on the walls! The trees ARE their walls! And look at the view from Leila's bedroom:

We arrived late in the afternoon, tired and hungry after a long drive from Tahoe, and were feeling like we'd like to sleep more than anything. That changed quickly when my cousin ran out to meet us at the car, charged with an excited energy that we were there. They were already setting the table and pouring us generous amounts of wine before we had our bags out of the trunk. Music playing, dinner served and wine setting in, it felt almost surreal. Their home had an energy that was so warm and happy and for the first time I saw Jeff and Nicole as parents, rather than peers. Good parents.

Charlie had turned 6 months just a few days earlier and it was amazing to watch the children's enthusiasm over their baby cousin. They couldn't get enough. Laila asked if she could sleep next to Charlie and when Jeff explained that he had to sleep in his crib, she decided to camp out on the floor next to him and watch him as he slept. Jack hugged him tightly and exclaimed, "He's the cutest thing I ever did see!" Pure joy filled my heart.

Dinner was one of the most extraordinary events that I'd ever witnessed. Jeff asked three year old Jack if he wanted to lead the dinner conversation and , exhilarated, he shouted, "Yes! I get to be the facilitator!"

Wait. What did he just say? Facilitator? We watched, mouths gaping, as Jack lead... err... facilitated the discussion.

He started off by quizzing the table on the differences between similes and metaphors and then gave examples of each. He made sure to explain  why "my family is like gold" was a simile and then made the rounds to be sure we could all justify our uses of figurative language. WHAT?

See! I told you he was excited to "facilitate". 

Laila, the little genius that she is, tried to trick Jack a few times but it wasn't going to happen. These two seemed to know more than many of my eleventh graders (oh, how I wish I was joking!).

After dinner the kids played on the floor some more with Charlie and being both kind and altruistic, they each chose a toy that they wanted to give to their newest family member. I was honestly blown away. Jeff and Nicole told them how proud they were and then read them a few stories. They discussed the best part of the day and the worst part of the day and Jack exclaimed that the best part was Charlie. (Seriously, this happened). Laila quietly said that this very moment was her favorite because the whole house was full of her family and she loved them all. (Uhhhh, pinch me please).

We each took turns sharing our highs and lows of the day and then everybody got hugs and kisses. Jeff made sure to tell the kids what was planned for the next day and how they better sleep well because a whole new adventure was in store - at the Dagan home every day is an adventure.

Look at 6 month old Charlie! Jack and Leila spoiling our bear. 

When the kiddos were all tucked into bed, Jeff breathed a huge sigh of relief and said, "Man, isn't parenting difficult?"

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?

If a second head had grown right out of Jeff's neck at that very moment, I would have been less shocked than at that statement. What did he mean? His kids were ANGELS. They were the brightest, sweetest, most eloquent little kids I have ever met. Where was this coming from? He lost me somewhere.

What he said next changed me as a parent. Honestly, I think about it every single day - sometimes several times a day- and it makes me work hard, even when I  feel like I don't have anything left.

He said, "Ali, it's really easy to be a parent. It's really, extremely, impossibly difficult to be a good parent."

And he's right.

 Whenever I feel like turning on the TV to give myself a break from the constant playing, I remind myself of Jeff's words. It would be easy to turn on that TV right now. It's much harder to read this book for the 57th time and meow like a cat with enthusiasm.

I make myself meow.

I am by no means the perfect mother. Perfection, in any sense of the word, doesn't exist. I'm not going to pretend. What I am -  is lucky.

I'm so lucky to have so many wonderful role models in my life. Examples of extraordinary parents, including my own, to show me how to love. That love isn't just a feeling but an action. A choice. A choice to do the best I can every single day for someone else. For my Charlie.

It's all for my Charlie.