From Ariel, Prince Eric, and our little Sebastian!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The Moth
Like my father, I'm somewhat of an insomniac. We both listen to podcasts at odd hours in the middle of the night to help pacify our racing minds. Anxiety is passed down, I think. Genetic or learned, passed down all the same.
Having caught up on all my favs -This American Life, Stuff You Should Know, Stuff Mom Never Told You, The Story, and Freakanomics - (yeah, I know, that's a lot of time in the middle of the night) - I've turned to yet another suggestion from Dad: The Moth.
The Moth has been a huge source of inspiration to me because it's performed by WRITERS! There is a theme of the night and the performers/writers have to come up with a story that fits that theme. They have to stick to a 15 minute story or they get cut off (don't you wish that happened in real life?) and they tell their story to a live audience.
Here is what I love:
- You can hear the author's voice. Literally. Other than David Sedaris, I have rarely heard a story told from the author's own voice. It is done so beautifully that I have cried after listening to several episodes
- The stories are true. I am all about fiction. You'd be hard pressed to find someone who reads as much fiction as I do, but when it comes to writing, I love autobiographical stories with a theme. There is something so painfully wonderful about someone laying out the truth for everyone to see. This sort of bravery I hope to achieve one day.
- Author's Purpose: So I went to have wine and cheese with two of my besties last week and we all happen to have graduated with the ever-so-useful English degree and we spent a large part of the night discussing author's purpose in writing, specifically blogs. Okay, so maybe we'll never be Carrie Bradshaw and friends but we are definitely putting our critical thinking skills to good use. Take that, Avenue Q! Anyway, my point is, I was inspired to write with more purpose (which might be why I haven't written since).
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Yeah, I really do think.
I started to feel a little old and a bit disconnected when one of my brilliant (No sarcasm here.This year they really are brilliant) kids quickly responded, "Well, if her song about irony isn't ironic, then it's ironic, right?"
See what I mean?
This is what I've waited my whole life for.
Teaching Honors English has changed my life. Yeah, yeah, a hyperbole of sorts, but really, not too far off. For the first time ever, I can say with 100% certainty, I love my job. If someone offered to pay me what I get paid now and I could stay home instead of teaching, I wouldn't take it. No way.
It definitely helps that I'm part-time, but I actually look forward to going to work. Cool, huh? (This little colloquialism was pointed out to me and Dan when we were in Greece. Our Kiwi friends explained that they can always tell if someone is American because they use the phrase: "Cool, huh?" We didn't believe them either, but it's true).
By the way, did you notice all the literary terms I threw in here? And watch for the elevated vocabulary in the future. Honors is making me smarter, too.
Cool, huh?
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
3 months ago
i was writing all the time.
thinking. reflecting. creating.
sometimes i feel paralyzed when i open my blog. the cursor blinking. waiting. waiting. waiting.
and nothing good comes.
do i write just to write? for writing sake? i'm not so sure. i sometimes wish people wrote less, ya know? thought more and wrote less. kinda like talking.
that's all i got.
it's a start, right?
thinking. reflecting. creating.
sometimes i feel paralyzed when i open my blog. the cursor blinking. waiting. waiting. waiting.
and nothing good comes.
do i write just to write? for writing sake? i'm not so sure. i sometimes wish people wrote less, ya know? thought more and wrote less. kinda like talking.
that's all i got.
it's a start, right?
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tomorrow
My favorite sense is smell. Okay, I mean, if I had to lose one of my five senses it would probably BE smell so I guess I can't say it's my favorite -- but for memory and anticipation, ah, it is by far the greatest.
You would think we were headed back to Greece. Or Switzerland. The way we talk about Ohio seems on par with these magical destinations. I imagine an alien hearing us talking (I do that a lot, I know - weird- but it's about perspective, really) and thinking that Ohio must a sort of paradise. To me, my friends, it is.
I can smell Ohio. The heavy, muggy air right before a thunderstorm. The grass saturated with dew. I picture us all crowded at the door, watching the sky light up and then go dark. A paradox of sorts.
Tomorrow afternoon we will board a plane back home and for almost two weeks I will feel totally complete. I'll be eleven again and silly and absurd. This is our comfortable.
The only thing standing in my way at this point is plane ride.... with an almost 14 month old. Have you ever flown with a child that age?
Neither have I.
I have a feeling, it ain't gonna be pretty.
P.S. @ Vic concerning the three books I couldn't read:
1. Tropic of Cancer - This is widely regarded as one of the best books EVER written. Like ever. There is a fifty page foreward about it's excellence. It changed censorship. Compelling, they say. All it made me feel - was like a total moron. I could barely understand what was going on. I'm thinking maybe you need to be in a certain mindset and I'm thinking that mindest is genius. We'll see. I'll give it another try someday.
2. World Without End (followup to Pillars of the Earth) - Okay, this should come with a little asterisk because I didn't try very hard. I knew I was headed to Ohio and there was no way I was going to finish a thousand page novel before then so I just stopped because my heart wasn't into it. I know I will love it --- when I have more time.
3. My Name is Asher Lev - I don't know. After about ten pages (I know, not much of a start, eh?) I just put it down and had no desire to pick it back up.
Shit - Charlie just walked in and his hands are covered in dirt. Shit. Wish we luck on the plane!
You would think we were headed back to Greece. Or Switzerland. The way we talk about Ohio seems on par with these magical destinations. I imagine an alien hearing us talking (I do that a lot, I know - weird- but it's about perspective, really) and thinking that Ohio must a sort of paradise. To me, my friends, it is.
I can smell Ohio. The heavy, muggy air right before a thunderstorm. The grass saturated with dew. I picture us all crowded at the door, watching the sky light up and then go dark. A paradox of sorts.
Tomorrow afternoon we will board a plane back home and for almost two weeks I will feel totally complete. I'll be eleven again and silly and absurd. This is our comfortable.
The only thing standing in my way at this point is plane ride.... with an almost 14 month old. Have you ever flown with a child that age?
Neither have I.
I have a feeling, it ain't gonna be pretty.
P.S. @ Vic concerning the three books I couldn't read:
1. Tropic of Cancer - This is widely regarded as one of the best books EVER written. Like ever. There is a fifty page foreward about it's excellence. It changed censorship. Compelling, they say. All it made me feel - was like a total moron. I could barely understand what was going on. I'm thinking maybe you need to be in a certain mindset and I'm thinking that mindest is genius. We'll see. I'll give it another try someday.
2. World Without End (followup to Pillars of the Earth) - Okay, this should come with a little asterisk because I didn't try very hard. I knew I was headed to Ohio and there was no way I was going to finish a thousand page novel before then so I just stopped because my heart wasn't into it. I know I will love it --- when I have more time.
3. My Name is Asher Lev - I don't know. After about ten pages (I know, not much of a start, eh?) I just put it down and had no desire to pick it back up.
Shit - Charlie just walked in and his hands are covered in dirt. Shit. Wish we luck on the plane!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Lessons from Literature
I tried starting three books - three! - and I couldn't get into any of them. WHAT?! That never happens. Seriously. I push through a book, even if I don't love it, because once it's been purchased, I've committed. But, three beginnings later, I put them all back on the shelf and wondered what could be wrong. This is serious.
But then I found it: The Poisonwood Bible!
My friend, Heather, bought a kindle and gave away all her books. I know, I know. I thought the same thing: I got an image of having another baby and then handing over Charlie. Hello newborn, don't need this old thing anymore. Broke my heart a little so I scooped up three bags full of books and it felt like Christmas. Or Hanukkah. You get the picture.
So I opened my fourth book, afraid of what might happen. Scared I'd get a few pages in and toss it aside like a firstborn child. Alas! I was back.
One of the first sections of this book starts with a quote quotation from Genesis:
And God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea. and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
Uhhhh. All I could think was: now THAT is some fucked up shit.
Subdue the earth? Have dominion over every living thing? Excuse me, God, but that's exactly the kind of mindset that is destroying the earth. And that is no hyperbole. LITERALLY, that is the story that is speeding up the earth's demise.
Oh, Ishmael, when will they understand.
With gorilla gone, will there be hope for man?
But then I found it: The Poisonwood Bible!
My friend, Heather, bought a kindle and gave away all her books. I know, I know. I thought the same thing: I got an image of having another baby and then handing over Charlie. Hello newborn, don't need this old thing anymore. Broke my heart a little so I scooped up three bags full of books and it felt like Christmas. Or Hanukkah. You get the picture.
So I opened my fourth book, afraid of what might happen. Scared I'd get a few pages in and toss it aside like a firstborn child. Alas! I was back.
One of the first sections of this book starts with a q
And God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea. and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
Uhhhh. All I could think was: now THAT is some fucked up shit.
Subdue the earth? Have dominion over every living thing? Excuse me, God, but that's exactly the kind of mindset that is destroying the earth. And that is no hyperbole. LITERALLY, that is the story that is speeding up the earth's demise.
Oh, Ishmael, when will they understand.
With gorilla gone, will there be hope for man?
Saturday, July 9, 2011
My cousin, Jeff, and his wife, Nicole, have two of the most amazing kids I've ever met. Polite, articulate, kind, and intelligent, those kids are part of the reason I wanted to have my own.
In November on our way home from Lake Tahoe, we stopped in Santa Cruz to visit Jeff and his family. Their custom designed and built home is nestled on a mountain between gargantuan redwoods. Their windows are uncovered, leaving a view of the forest around them.
Take a look:
See how they don't even need anything on the walls! The trees ARE their walls! And look at the view from Leila's bedroom:
We arrived late in the afternoon, tired and hungry after a long drive from Tahoe, and were feeling like we'd like to sleep more than anything. That changed quickly when my cousin ran out to meet us at the car, charged with an excited energy that we were there. They were already setting the table and pouring us generous amounts of wine before we had our bags out of the trunk. Music playing, dinner served and wine setting in, it felt almost surreal. Their home had an energy that was so warm and happy and for the first time I saw Jeff and Nicole as parents, rather than peers. Good parents.
Charlie had turned 6 months just a few days earlier and it was amazing to watch the children's enthusiasm over their baby cousin. They couldn't get enough. Laila asked if she could sleep next to Charlie and when Jeff explained that he had to sleep in his crib, she decided to camp out on the floor next to him and watch him as he slept. Jack hugged him tightly and exclaimed, "He's the cutest thing I ever did see!" Pure joy filled my heart.
Dinner was one of the most extraordinary events that I'd ever witnessed. Jeff asked three year old Jack if he wanted to lead the dinner conversation and , exhilarated, he shouted, "Yes! I get to be the facilitator!"
Wait. What did he just say? Facilitator? We watched, mouths gaping, as Jack lead... err... facilitated the discussion.
He started off by quizzing the table on the differences between similes and metaphors and then gave examples of each. He made sure to explain why "my family is like gold" was a simile and then made the rounds to be sure we could all justify our uses of figurative language. WHAT?
Laila, the little genius that she is, tried to trick Jack a few times but it wasn't going to happen. These two seemed to know more than many of my eleventh graders (oh, how I wish I was joking!).
After dinner the kids played on the floor some more with Charlie and being both kind and altruistic, they each chose a toy that they wanted to give to their newest family member. I was honestly blown away. Jeff and Nicole told them how proud they were and then read them a few stories. They discussed the best part of the day and the worst part of the day and Jack exclaimed that the best part was Charlie. (Seriously, this happened). Laila quietly said that this very moment was her favorite because the whole house was full of her family and she loved them all. (Uhhhh, pinch me please).
We each took turns sharing our highs and lows of the day and then everybody got hugs and kisses. Jeff made sure to tell the kids what was planned for the next day and how they better sleep well because a whole new adventure was in store - at the Dagan home every day is an adventure.
When the kiddos were all tucked into bed, Jeff breathed a huge sigh of relief and said, "Man, isn't parenting difficult?"
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?
If a second head had grown right out of Jeff's neck at that very moment, I would have been less shocked than at that statement. What did he mean? His kids were ANGELS. They were the brightest, sweetest, most eloquent little kids I have ever met. Where was this coming from? He lost me somewhere.
What he said next changed me as a parent. Honestly, I think about it every single day - sometimes several times a day- and it makes me work hard, even when I feel like I don't have anything left.
He said, "Ali, it's really easy to be a parent. It's really, extremely, impossibly difficult to be a good parent."
And he's right.
Whenever I feel like turning on the TV to give myself a break from the constant playing, I remind myself of Jeff's words. It would be easy to turn on that TV right now. It's much harder to read this book for the 57th time and meow like a cat with enthusiasm.
I make myself meow.
I am by no means the perfect mother. Perfection, in any sense of the word, doesn't exist. I'm not going to pretend. What I am - is lucky.
I'm so lucky to have so many wonderful role models in my life. Examples of extraordinary parents, including my own, to show me how to love. That love isn't just a feeling but an action. A choice. A choice to do the best I can every single day for someone else. For my Charlie.
It's all for my Charlie.
In November on our way home from Lake Tahoe, we stopped in Santa Cruz to visit Jeff and his family. Their custom designed and built home is nestled on a mountain between gargantuan redwoods. Their windows are uncovered, leaving a view of the forest around them.
Take a look:
See how they don't even need anything on the walls! The trees ARE their walls! And look at the view from Leila's bedroom:
We arrived late in the afternoon, tired and hungry after a long drive from Tahoe, and were feeling like we'd like to sleep more than anything. That changed quickly when my cousin ran out to meet us at the car, charged with an excited energy that we were there. They were already setting the table and pouring us generous amounts of wine before we had our bags out of the trunk. Music playing, dinner served and wine setting in, it felt almost surreal. Their home had an energy that was so warm and happy and for the first time I saw Jeff and Nicole as parents, rather than peers. Good parents.
Charlie had turned 6 months just a few days earlier and it was amazing to watch the children's enthusiasm over their baby cousin. They couldn't get enough. Laila asked if she could sleep next to Charlie and when Jeff explained that he had to sleep in his crib, she decided to camp out on the floor next to him and watch him as he slept. Jack hugged him tightly and exclaimed, "He's the cutest thing I ever did see!" Pure joy filled my heart.
Dinner was one of the most extraordinary events that I'd ever witnessed. Jeff asked three year old Jack if he wanted to lead the dinner conversation and , exhilarated, he shouted, "Yes! I get to be the facilitator!"
Wait. What did he just say? Facilitator? We watched, mouths gaping, as Jack lead... err... facilitated the discussion.
He started off by quizzing the table on the differences between similes and metaphors and then gave examples of each. He made sure to explain why "my family is like gold" was a simile and then made the rounds to be sure we could all justify our uses of figurative language. WHAT?
 |
| See! I told you he was excited to "facilitate". |
After dinner the kids played on the floor some more with Charlie and being both kind and altruistic, they each chose a toy that they wanted to give to their newest family member. I was honestly blown away. Jeff and Nicole told them how proud they were and then read them a few stories. They discussed the best part of the day and the worst part of the day and Jack exclaimed that the best part was Charlie. (Seriously, this happened). Laila quietly said that this very moment was her favorite because the whole house was full of her family and she loved them all. (Uhhhh, pinch me please).
We each took turns sharing our highs and lows of the day and then everybody got hugs and kisses. Jeff made sure to tell the kids what was planned for the next day and how they better sleep well because a whole new adventure was in store - at the Dagan home every day is an adventure.
 |
| Look at 6 month old Charlie! Jack and Leila spoiling our bear. |
When the kiddos were all tucked into bed, Jeff breathed a huge sigh of relief and said, "Man, isn't parenting difficult?"
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?
If a second head had grown right out of Jeff's neck at that very moment, I would have been less shocked than at that statement. What did he mean? His kids were ANGELS. They were the brightest, sweetest, most eloquent little kids I have ever met. Where was this coming from? He lost me somewhere.
What he said next changed me as a parent. Honestly, I think about it every single day - sometimes several times a day- and it makes me work hard, even when I feel like I don't have anything left.
He said, "Ali, it's really easy to be a parent. It's really, extremely, impossibly difficult to be a good parent."
And he's right.
Whenever I feel like turning on the TV to give myself a break from the constant playing, I remind myself of Jeff's words. It would be easy to turn on that TV right now. It's much harder to read this book for the 57th time and meow like a cat with enthusiasm.
I make myself meow.
I am by no means the perfect mother. Perfection, in any sense of the word, doesn't exist. I'm not going to pretend. What I am - is lucky.
I'm so lucky to have so many wonderful role models in my life. Examples of extraordinary parents, including my own, to show me how to love. That love isn't just a feeling but an action. A choice. A choice to do the best I can every single day for someone else. For my Charlie.
It's all for my Charlie.
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